So I went to see the doctor. Not sure I knew what I expected or wanted to happen when I got there. I said I thought I was depressed. Then started to cry. So I described my various symptoms and he asked a few questions. He remembered that I'd had counselling before. I'd been thinking about that over the last few days. It feels like although it seemed helpful at the time, I don't think I learned (or absorbed) any long term coping strategies or anything. It's like the sessions were useful in themselves but there was no carry over into life.
Anyway, doctor wants to see me weekly until things start to improve. He gave me a prescription for a low dose of citalopram (so it can be adjusted later he said) and asked me to fill in a questionnaire to help assess my state. Curiously I thought, he also told me to stop trying to sort things out. He said it would just bring me down more. I suppose he means I should 'go with the flow' for the time being. That might be difficult for me. I'm trying to find a way out of this mess in my head and I'm getting impatient. Going with the flow is not necessarily what I want to do. Hey ho. But I do trust him as my GP.
I think someone else observed that all the possible side-effects of taking the tablets are pretty much the symptoms you're trying to escape! I've taken the first one despite that!
[edit later on]
Thanks to all my friends who've been asking after me today. Two people even texted almost while I was in the doctors. I have felt absolutely dreadful. This cold is of manflu proportions which has not helped my general disposition. I came home early from work and tried to get some sleep. Of course, shouting local children didn't help the cause. I'm thinking I might go in a bit later tomorrow, avoid the crowds on the trains at least.
And I think my stomach has already read about the side-effects and had its first argument with the citalopram. Not bad, eh?
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9 comments:
I agree with the doc
Give yourself time to grieve
you wont be able to "sort anythin out" while you are in this first satge of grieving
it takes as long as it takes
There arent any wrong or right ways to do it
About 3 of my therpay sessions were getting me to see that i was stil grieiving, I thought i was over it all, but i could not move on, nor do any cognitive work until that had settled down adn the fog had cleared
6 months on, i stil get days where i dont function
its early days since your trauma
you lived that trauma for many weeks too
time-------
Give it time
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Honey, you know where we are. I know you're not feeling so well today... and that will make things worse. I promise you, things will get better. There will be days where things are worse and days when they are infinitely better and the gaps between the two are going to get shorter and shorter. I don't think we were conspiring, I for one was very worried about you hon. I AM very worried. I know what it's like to be where you are and I wish you weren't there. All we can do is be by your side when you need to reach out, day or night... early or late. Please don't be alone. One of the things I've learned alot of in the last 6 months or so, it is okay to say to people "I need you to help me". It doesn't mean that you're weak or you have failed, it means that you're comfortable in the love of your friends and family... so much so that you know you will be taken care of. Give it time hon and reach out if you need to.
Thanks, you two.
Those are two important messages that are difficult to fully acccept when you are feeling low:
1) things take as long as they take as long as they take. However impatient you migh feel, it will still take that time.
2)things will get better. Eventually things will be sorted.
As for not trying to sort things out. I think it is not so much going with the flow as disengaging the head. Sometimes we spend too much time there and it only gets confusing.
Sometimes we have to strip things back and think with our bodies, our gut feelings, our instincts.
Take care
Thanks to you too, HK. Wise words. Unfortunately, one of my 'problems', something I do, is 'think too much'. So disengaging the head is a big challenge to me! Although I think my body is taking over with some physical symptoms and I'm trying to deal with those.
Snap with the Citalapram. It ain't that bad and it can have a calming effect, but expect technical dreams with it if you take it late on in the evening
The others have worded far better than I ever could what I wanted to say - I've been there too Huni and I know it seems like you are at the bottom of a pit with no way out at the moment.
It will improve, I promise, slowly but surely.
Don't push yourself to be "better" - it takes as long as it takes, there's no time limit or scale.
Just know where we are, as Cath says, don't suffer alone.
Love you lots & hugs.
what else to say?
you know where I am.
and maybe they are right - you shoudln't do a half marathon on a cold!
(sorry)
xx
It was only a teeny weeny cold at the time ;o)
And thanks to you too, beanz, for everything.
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