Friday, April 25, 2014

Nothing happening here - move along

In case you've landed here by mistake, all the action is over there.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Kittens take up time!

And energy. Noodle, as she may be named (nothing else has been suggested) is a darling. She has become more confident and currently we have to assess, on a daily basis, which cat is in charge! My legs are covered in small scratches as she jumps up to see what you're doing/eating/reading. We do seem to be winning the battle of the dining table with a stern 'No' and preferably finger clicking. I really do want her and Big Cat to become friends soon, but I think it will come from exhaustion/boredom rather than anything else. Working at home has been 'fun'. I had to close the door to keep her out of the way for a while. She's in love with the cursor on the screen and can even be found looking at the screen when it's turned off, looking for the little arrow to chase! Thankfully, kittens seem to be similar to babies in that they need naps during the day so you just get the work done while they're asleep! What fun.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Look what arrived today!


No name yet but she purrs a lot!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Strange week - long post warning

It was a mixed up week really.

Monday morning saw me in session #3 with my work-provided counsellor. It was a good session but the first time I actually cried and that was while she was trying to wind it up. I only cycled to the station and back that day as I've decided that WIND is the enemy when I am on my bike. If it's snowed then I won't use my bike at all but wind, when strong and blustery is plain dangerous. Motorists don't seem to realise that you need more room than usual for your eccentric movements; that you might actually move sideways involuntarily. You only need to pedal over London Bridge in a 'slight breeze' to feel the effect.

Tuesday was my 'day off' or 'sick leave' on my new HR system at work. I have decided that I need a little treat so I found myself in the electronics section of John Lewis. After prodding and poking and stroking the object of my desires, a phone call to Little Bruv made me aware of the immenent release of new object of desire so I left the store no poorer but happy that I'd made the right decision. We went to football in the evening. It wasn't good although 700+ away fans went back to Plymouth a bit happier than they might have expected.

Wednesday I was at work but felt like I hadn't done terribly much. A one-to-one with my boss (very positive and constructive) rolled straight into a fundraising managers' meeting, chaired vaguely by our temporary director who was trying not to have man-flu. Apparently it's only man-flu once you start whingeing about it. Before that, it's only man-cold. We did a bit of strategising so that by the time I'd had my lunch, fought off some e-mails and so on, it was time to go and give blood. I really must send in a comments form or something. They introduced an appointments system a while ago for giving blood which was great. You didn't have to turn up and wait. Except now it seems that the appointment is just a suggestion for when you turn up to wait. It was 45 minutes after my alleged appointment before I was seen for the first part of the process. It was even longer the last time I gave. It seems that they're not allowed to turn away new donors. So those of us who've given before and have taken the trouble to book an appointment are still delayed by these Johnny-come-latelies who casually wander in. Perhaps they could allocate one 'bed' for new people and let the rest of us chug through our schedule. Hey ho, lucky I took the MindGames from the Times with me. Afterwards, enjoying my post donation cup of squash and packet of crisps I had to stop myself crying. My Dad often has blood transfusions these days, in fact four bags full since I donated on Wednesday. He calls me his 'supplier'. I sat there thinking about that and that I had a real reason for giving, someone I can relate to very directly, not a virtuous "I give blood" sensation. I wanted to say something about it to someone, but they were busy clearing up as it was, by now, the end of the day. I returned to the office and tidied up what I hadn't done. Oh and no, of course I didn't do any exercise for 24 hours. I cycled home.

Thursday was my work-at-home day. It didn't feel as positive as last week. I started with a phone interview with my local NHS mental health referral people, to see what help they might be able to offer. The phone call lasted a solid hour and I cried twice. Once while recalling an anxiety attack in John Lewis bu the second was when the lady asked what I would like to be able to do if I were 'better'. I'd talked about motivation being a real problem when I am 'down' and said I really wanted to get out running again. I said I used to call myself a runner (and that's a step on from the days when I used to be a person who ran) but that I had not run for such a long time. It's a part of my identity that has gone AWOL along with other bits of me. At best, I'm Karen-wth-the-dodgy-arm these days. After that I pulled myself together and got on to the real work of the day. A problem I was working on really tested me and I only made headway in the late afternoon. We had dinner in the local pub so I felt better eventually.

Friday I was a bit miffed at a colleague in Finance joking about me having worked at home in the local shopping emporium on Thursday. Without over-reacting I tried to make it clear that my w-a-h days are exactly that and I am very productive on those days. I don't now know what happened the rest of the day because of the way it all ended. Trying to leave in good time, I went to the coat rack to collect my cycling gear to get changed and go home. To cut a long story short, I foung a client of ours had somehow got onto our floor and was rummaging through the clothes on the rack and stuffing items into his bag. When I quizzed him, the items so far were mine. The outcome (sparing you the detail) was that the chap is known to some of the staff, he has mental health issues and they were trying to find a mental health co-ordinator to talk to him as he wasn't quite himself. Mental health issues?! We can all have those. My own lapses do not include stealing. I have the feeling that it will be brushed over and no-one will check how I feel about it all. Except. Except that I shall fill in an Incident Report. HR will probably hear about it and they will come and find me. I know we work with hugely vulnerable people, that's why I work there. But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't take care of our staff too. And on Friday evening, I had to sit down, dose myself with beta-blockers before I could even think of cycling home. Nobody offered me a chat. I did have to have a drink when I got home. Poor Mike had had a challenging day and I'm not sure I was as supportive as I might have been.

Saturday we went to football and we won. Which was great but we took the points from the bottom club in our division which is also where my uncle, my Dad's sole surviving sibling, is not only a life vice-president but a legend. They are just about my second club. Everyone has a second club..... Oh and the lady from the animal rescue centre rang about a black and white, ten week old female cat that needs a home. More of that to come, I suspect.

Today, I had a lovely walk in the park, threading my way through all the little people on their bikes and trikes and scooters, accompanied by bigger people, along with big people zooming too fast on the same paths on their bicycles. I heard a woodpecker and saw lots of the usual park residents - squirrels, deer, parakeets, heron, big black birds, lesser spotted runners etc etc. Ten point 09 miles in 2h36m. Not too bad. And Mike and I celebrated his one year anniversary of release from Logica. How times change.

Tap tap tap

The sound of Spring is Tap Tap Tap. The birds are back. Last year we enjoyed having a family of blue tits (or something similar - I couldn't find my Ladybird Book of Birds) living in the bathroom wall. Or, more specifically, in the venting for the bathroom fan. Said fan only worked sporadically and of its own accord at best and, in the 3+ years since Mike has had the house, it stopped altogether. Now, how the birds know it's not working is a mystery but last year they moved in. We started to hear tweeting and scratching noises in the bathroom. The cat took to sitting on the shelf under the fan staring up at it, determined that if she waited long enough a small, bird-tasting morsel would drop in her direction. It didn't. We may have fledged a family of blue tits and one day they weren't there any more.

On Tuesday, the cat was sitting in her top storey perch surveying the world from our window that hangs out from the front of the house. She started that chattering noise that cats make when they spot prey. She was watching the birds moving in to next door's roof, unaware that over her shoulder our own lodgers were checking out the place once more.

Oh yes, there's more familiar tapping too, now that Mike's laptop is back from the laptop doctors.

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

EGS

Enjoyed
Grateful
Satisfied

My counselling lady gave me this exercise last week. To write down at the end of each day a thing that I enjoyed, something for which I am grateful and, something in/for which I am satisfied. She said "You have to fill each of them in each day."

The 'training log' is my kind of daily diary, if anywhere, so my EGS have now been added to the bottom of each page. I know the idea is to make you feel more positive by writing down that good things have happened every day. I have found it challenging at times, though. I can usually find something for E. Today, it was "Enjoyed sitting with the cat on my lap". Simple, but a pleasure and enjoyable. Grateful for my general good health! I made myself laugh at that, considering how much I've been moaning on about falling apart at the seams. But then, I've just been reading the uplifting blog of a friend who is now in remission from a rare cancer; my Dad continues to test the NHS and so on. I'm quite well, really. Satisfied that I didn't have an Alcoholic Drink. This almost feels like making a positive out of a negative - I didn't do something that's on my 'naughty' list. Hmmm. I'll have to think about that one.

My minor yearning for an Alcoholic Drink was linked to a real uneasy/unwell feeling late afternoon. I had what I thought was a real attack of the caffeine shakes and munched down several biscuits before heading home. I usually resort to chocolate on these occasions but there was none close to hand. I'd only cycled to the station as it was very windy again this morning, so pootled off to Aldgate East. I still felt 'unwell' by the time I got home and that was when I thought I could fancy a glass of something. The small sensible part of my brain woke up and told me not to be so silly and I resisted. Strange. Strange that I still felt affected by what I thought was caffeine shakes as it usually goes fairly quickly once my blood sugar is replenished and I don't get a chemical 'hangover' from it in the way that I do with an anxiety/panic attack. Strange that I thought it might be a good idea to have a drink because I didn't feel right. Good that I didn't but there are some unanswered questions there.

Thursday, March 01, 2012

Scores on the doors

To borrow a phrase from RW. Ever since I started this running lark (not that there's been much of that for a while), I've kept a training log. I was even given an "Exercise Book" ho ho as a Christmas present when I was about to start training for my first ever London Marathon. Anyhow, this continues, however pathetic the content. Over the last year or two it seems to have evolved into cycle, walk, run and lately AFDs. So, for anyone who's interested, the score this year so far is:

January
Cycle 158.14 miles (of course it's that accurate, Mr Garmin told me so)
Walk 13.4 miles
Run 0
AFDs 13 (but then we were on an alcoholic holiday for a week) = 41%

February
Cycle 394.99 (call me Thunder Thighs)
Walk 8.21
Run 6.21 (or 10k)
AFDs 19 = 65.5%

AFD target is more AFD than not, so 50+% is on target. Year to-date is 53.3% (phew).

Sunday, February 26, 2012

And in other news

In the morning of the "fitting", I had my occupational health meeting. The doctor decided that I wasn't officially disabled under the Mental Health bla bla Act, and that I am fit to go to work. However, she recommended that I reduce my working hours to four days a week for 4-8 weeks and that I also work one day a week from home, to remove myself from some of the environmental stress that might simply relate to being in the office. I would say that, last week when I took a day off, I did feel better for it. So I didn't object to her proposals.

I spoke to my boss and HR, telling them what would be in the report back from OH. They were fine. I suggested that my 3 day a week person be paid to shift back up to full-time for March and April and that was all signed off (including by the Finance Director) without any trouble.

I'm taking the tablets and I think I'm settling down on the new ones after some very strange side-effects like light-headedness and feeling dizzy (not good if you're going to cycle), poor sleep and other things I can't remember right now. (Probably poor short term mem o r y ). But. I'm still getting anxious and stressy and teary about things that seem relatively minor, even to me. The trigger level seems very low.

I had the first face-to-face counselling session on Monday morning. I nearly didn't get there as I decided to throw myself off my bike on the way. A stupid wibble and wobble while looking over my shoulder on Putney Bridge all because I hadn't used my new method of getting into the right lane for turning at the far side of the bridge. Anyway, I landed in a heap with no other party involved, picked myself and the vehicle up (put the chain back as that always comes off if you have an 'incident') and got on my way. I knew I'd bashed my right knee as (1) it hurt and (2) there was a hole in my leggings. I passed by the ghost bike at Bishopsgate on my way to the appointment. A sobering experience. As the week has progressed and the bruises have started to go through their colours I have found so many of them on my legs I do wonder what I actually managed to do before landing on the ground!

Anyway, the counselling. The first session is a bit of a get to know you thing on both sides. My counsellor is a lady and she's fine. Most of the guff that came out was work-related and she did that wonderful summing up, points to consider for our next meeting thing that they have to do. She spotted my desire to be in control of things and suggested that I think about finding a balance in my life, and look at where I can exercise control and where not. Dont' worry about what you can't change/control? It's been useful and I have another session tomorrow morning. A while back, I picked up a British Heart Foundation booklet, self-help thing, on "Coping with "stress and I've been reading that. It's quite practical and not patronising, so I'm looking to do some of the exercises in that too.

One for the ladies

TMI warning!

So, I went along to get the coil fitted. I was seen pretty much on time by a furry-faced, senior medic-type person with a woolly jumper with sleeves that went down below his elbows!!!! Shock, horror. I presume he rolled his sleeves up at some point in the proceedings.

By the time you get to an age, you've had a few of *those* appointments where they prod and poke around down there. They stick things in, remove bits, tell you to relax and then, when you jump a few inches into the air grimacing quietly, ask if you're ok. They even ask if you want them to stop [whatever procedure]. This always seems to be a bit of a daft question to me. It might be "customer friendly" but if they stop and it's a necessary procedure when do they actually get to do the thing they're down there for? "Oh dear, it hurts too much I'll come back another day"? They ask if it hurts "much". Well, compared to what? Childbirth? Elbow after post-operative pain relief has worn off? Stubbing your toe against the bedroom door (yes that one can be quite nasty)?

I'm not sure what I want them to do, really. Perhaps acknowledge that, yes it must be uncomfortable but, if it's ok, we have to continue and it won't take much longer?

Anyway, I'm upto two implants now. Or is it four...... My aim is to get interesting x-rays wherever you look in my body! Amusingly, there's obviously a list of potential side-effects, things that might go awry in the first few weeks after the fitting and they have to advise you of them. Fair enough, but pregnancy? Purleeze, you could have skipped that one. I don't think that's going to happen now when I've managed ok over the last 19 years or so.

Cycling - the reply

Dear Ms Hardy


I write further to my email of 13th February. Please excuse the delay in getting back to you which was due to finding an opportunity to speak to the driver concerned, taking into account his shift pattern and my other commitments.
We have now discussed the matter with the driver, who has assured us that his intention was not to act aggressively, or to cause you alarm. We have reiterated to him the need for patience and courtesy at all times on the road, which he has accepted.
We do expect all of our drivers to display high standards of driving at all times, and we do take road safety very seriously. I trust that you will accept my assurance of our commitment to these standards, and hope that you will have no cause for concern in any future encounters you may have with any of our vehicles.
Regards


Xxx Yyyyyy

HR Advisor


In a way, I could probably have written this reply or something very similar before even writing to the coach company. However, it is good that they have responded in an appropriate way. I have replied, thanking them for their response.