I have not been well

Ok, so on the train up to the frozen north, I might have thought, maybe, possibly I have a cold tickling to start. That was Saturday. Sunday morning, perhaps there was a little bit more insistence but hey, no worries, only a half marathon to do. Now, I don't know about you, but I always get a runny nose when I run so didn't think anything of it. However, decided that I needed a reasonable supply of tissues to see me safely home on the train (without resorting to use of t-shirt).

So, Monday morning I was booked in to see the doctor anyway. The only reference I made to my cold was that I suspected I had picked it up because I was 'low' and he agreed. I made it in to work and I felt dreadful. Absolutely appalling. I thought it was in part due to my outpouring at the doctors, starting the day on a bad note. But no, my brain was completely befuddled. So I went home early and went in late on Tuesday, arriving about 12.30. It seems like I'm having a high speed cold. Monday was definitely the worst day. Tuesday pretty carp, if I were a salaried wallah I would have stayed at home. As it was, I earned brownie points and stayed beyond the point at which my boss suggested I go home.

Today, Wednesday, more improvement although still working through a rain forest of tissues. Seems that cold has moved swiftly to chest, so I'm now coughing up gunk quite nicely. TMI. As for tomorrow? I have interesting 'scan' at the hospital for mystery cyst that showed up on another scan that I had recently. Ho hum. As I said recently, I shall die saying "It wasn't anything, really."

One of my brothers e-mailed me this evening. He mentioned that my Mum's remaining brother is not doing so well with chemo. Not good. My Mum was distraught that her youngest brother died before her. To have the other [younger] brother also ill is not good news. We don't expect to outlive our siblings or indeed our children. October is looming when it's the first anniversary of my running friend dying. I really don't know what to do about entering a race on the day that would mark the date. Should we acknowledge the end of the year? I don't know. It's still close to my heart and that of some of my dearest friends. I shall have to consult with them. But I shall remember him in my own way.

As to how I feel? I don't want this blog to seem like a compendium of blame. We are where we are. I can only be where I am now. And I am struggling. The logical me doesn't want all this wishy washy 'it'll take time nonsense'. I know what has happened. I want to know why I'm still feeling like I am. This is what's happened. Get over it. It's not that easy, obviously. I can remember so many good times. Moving forward is easier said than done. Bit like this cold really.

[late edit, really late]

Was it a good idea to buy a litre of whisky? I'm having trouble getting off to sleep these days. Not sure if I haven't had too much this evening to test the relaxation theory but there's always another day/night.